Monthly Archives: June 2015

Vicki’s 60th birthday date & last goodbye

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This was Vicki’s 50th birthday party pic                                      Nikki & myself scattering Vicki’s ashes

Veronica (Vicki) was born 21st June 1955 She was a summer solstice baby and today should have been Vicki’s 60th birthday. We celebrated Vicki’s 17th birthday on the Isle of Wight, where we lived and worked, we had been together just over 6 months and living together 6 weeks.

I remember all Vicki’s birthdays some more than others, for her 21st I brought her an Afghan  pedigree mountain puppy 10 weeks old, all legs as Vicki said she decided to call him Chez after the rebel and because of his antics.On her 30th she was diagnosed with MS what a present, birthdays after were sometimes better, her 31st and our 11th  anniversary I was away in Italy  on a 10 day tour, she wrote a wonderful letter with instructions for me not to open it till our anniversary, she even phoned the hotel where I was staying another lovely surprise I still have the letter.

After Vicki was confined to bed January 2008, birthdays and anniversaries we spent  at home instead of going out except on the odd occasion with the district nurses permission we went to see Status Quo at Cannock Chase open air concert.

Sadly Vicki passed away 25/03/13, 3 months short of her 58th birthday , we celebrated her life by releasing 58 balloons on Cannock Chase near to where we used to pic-nic.

For Vicki’s 40th in 1995 I managed to get permission for us to be allowed into the stone circle at Stonehenge, so that she could see the sunrise through the stones. We had to meet with others at a car park in Salisbury at 3am, and what a site, our first real Druids all in their attire, after what seemed a long time we were told we would not be allowed to go ant further as the barricades had been breached by thousands of. unofficial worshipers  and that it was not safe for anyone

So as this year would have meant a lot I contacted the Heritage Trust and was given permission to scatter Vicki’s ashes on a burial mound to the East of the Stone Circle, my daughter, 3 granddaughters and I drove to Stonehenge, we arrived at 8.30  scattered her ashes then back to do the tour. It was a happy time.

I still celebrate her birthday and our anniversary with flowers and a glass of wine or two. This morning my daughter and granddaughters will be here with as Ellie Mae said a cake for nanny’s day ❤

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For Carers week

For 5 long and wonderful short years I was a full time 24/7 carer for my late wife who had MS,  and now  I’m a redundant carer, and I miss everything about that life that  I had.

For those who are not, for those who are and those who are daunted by the word and work of a carer. It can and will be the most stressful and rewarding time in your lives, you probably won’t be paid in cash but the rewards and feeling you have being a carer are not measured by the trappings of life riches.

Yes I miss being a carer for Vicki, to some people the lack of sleep, menial and mundane everyday tasks 0ne performs for a loved one, should be done by a paid professional, they may love their job, but you love the person.

After 5 years of a carer’s life I would like to think that I became the best that I could be, you are always fighting to get the best equipment, treatment and whatever medicine they require just to make their life a little more comfortable, they don’t ask or complain, communication can be difficult they may like Vicki give you the finger or The look Vicki was good at both, but however they communicate you love and care for them for who they are.

I never thought of it as a job or work, to me it was my chance to show how much I loved sharing our life together, sometimes I would sit quietly and watch while Vicki slept, hold her hand.

If you’ve read this then thank you for taking the time, if you’re a carer don’t be afraid to ask for help, there is a lot of support if and when you need it.

It is still a little difficult for me to put into words my role as a carer.