Good morning my love, I did not sleep well awake most of the night, thinking of you and your struggle with life.
I feel that it’s time for you to come home, you have suffered enough away from me and your home, so yes it is time, I will ask and arrange it for you, for me.
Had coffee fed the cats it is nearly 8am time to phone the ward, I’m told you have slept most of the night with the mask on.
Lee will come with me he will stay till 4pm, then he’s off to Birmingham for his gig, see you soon my darling.
Arrived on the ward just before 2pm, the nurse came to do the meds, Vicki does not look to good she is pale, Nikki came and lee left he is upset its 3.30.
At 4pm I called the nurse Vicki is struggling to breath, she changes mask for the nebuliser, after 15 minutes it’s not working the doctor arrives and puts in a Canula and started anti biotic’s and asks for some bloods to be taken.
Nikki is very upset to see her mom like this, so I ask her to go home and feed the cats for me, so off she went.
The phlebotomist comes and tries to take blood but can’t so she ask for the doctor to come back to take blood from Vicki’s foot, while waiting I txt Lynda, I ask the doctor if Vicki can be moved to a side ward, she said yes and will arrange it.
Lynda arrived at 6pm, Vicki is getting weaker and I’m scared now I don’t think I will be able to take her home, nurses come to move Vicki to a side ward, they have to move a woman out first, once the move is done I am asked to wait as the Registrar wants to examine her, so while we wait I phone Nikki to come back as soon as she can and be careful.
The registrar comes out he’s been in there for 30 minutes and asks me into the office, he explains to me that Vicki’s organs are slowly shutting down and clinically there is nothing that can be done except to make her comfortable, and to withdraw the medication, he said he is very sorry, he leaves me in the office.
Tears start I try and phone Lee it goes to voice mail I leave a message to phone me urgently, I phone Vicki’s older sister, and tell her to come as soon as she can, don’t know how long we have,
7. 20 I try Lee again he answers I tell him to get a taxi and come back to the ward, I txt Glyn as call goes to voice mail.
That done I go out Nikki is with Lynda, I tell Lynda that they don’t expect Vicki to last the night, she said that she would go as now it is family time, and to let her know, I thank her for being their.
Nikki and I go in Val arrives and a young nurse is getting a saline bag ready, 8pm Lee arrives so I tell him his mom does not have long, the nurse tells us to talk to Vicki as she can still hear us.
This is so difficult not just typing this but I live through this every day, Vicki’s eyes are closed and very pale now, about 8.30 a single tear trickles from Vicki’s right eye down her check and she is gone, I touch the tear with my finger and put to my lips, the nurse feels for a pulse but no, Vicki is now at peace, sleep Love.
My love is now with the Angels; her long fight with this dreadful disease is now over, after a while the nurse is back with the doctor and we are asked to leave, doctor comes out and tells me he is sorry, and to wait while the nurses remove tubes etc and clean Vicki .
I txt Glyn and Lynda that Vicki is now with the Angels.
I have left out quite a bit about Vicki’s life and time while in hospital including her last moments, as it is very personal to me and I feel that I have shared and bared my feelings and my love to the woman who made my life so complete, I will miss Vicki till the day I die.
I have written many pages from the day I met Vicki, all I remember about her that day is the red hair, her big boobs and the blue mini dress and although I didn’t know at the time we would one day be married, that is how lucky I was, to have met someone who knew from the first meeting that she would marry me, she was so confident.
Good bye my love god bless.