Been awake since 4am had couple of hours sleep, cats fed 6.30 on my second coffee then brekkie, I’m stocking up on caffeine so 1 more coffee.
It’s 7.30 I phone ITU and I’m told Vicki had just woken up, she has had a fairly comfortable night still very drowsy, possibility she will be moved this morning, and I will be informed.
Phone call at10am its reception in HDU the Dr wants to see me ASAP, I tell her I will about 20 minutes.
I arrive in HDU the Doctor and staff nurse introduced them selves and take me into the family room, as the Dr explains in detail Vicki’s condition the nurse holds my hand and the tears start to flow.
He said Veronica’s condition is not good the problem is that MS has devastated her body; plus being underweight the muscles are not helping the bodies organs work, clinically if her heart was to stop they could not resuscitate her, the time may come when her organs start to shut down, she has been very lucky, so I must be prepared, If that happens they will withdraw any treatment and make her as comfortable as possible.
He asks if I have any questions, anything at all, I’m struggling to think, I ask about the sodium levels; he said they are still high and her kidney function is 90%, its early days and they will keep me informed at all times. I thank him and staff nurse;
I compose my self and go and see her, again I’m shocked to see Vicki and all the equipment that is by the bed, as I talk to her I try not to cry, she has a full face mask on and tries to speak but I can’t hear, I talk holding her hand and tell I have to leave but will be back soon, she looks very fragile and very frightened, I tell her I love her very much and I will be back at 1pm not sure if she understands.
Back at HDU 1pm, another nurse looking after Vicki introduced herself, and explained about the equipment at the bed side and said to ask if I needed to know anything. I tell her about the MS and about Vicki’s immobility, her right arm and left leg are both fixed, can’t use left arm or hand can only use index finger and thumb on right hand.
Visiting in HDU is 1-2 4-7 pm,
Vicki keeps asking about the TV, she can’t change the channels and the remote isn’t working also she can’t see the clock; she thinks she is at home.
I try to explain to her that she doesn’t have the remote it’s at home.This is when I realise she is hallucinating I ask the nurse about Vicki’s meds from home, she explains that they stopped them while on stronger meds on the ward.
Her white cells and blood sugar are both high, she is on Insulin sodium levels still high but coming down slowly.
Mask is off and she asks again why she is in hospital, I tell she is very poorly, because Doctors not sure how long Vicki has, it’s so difficult I have tried to explain to family and close friends of Vicki’s condition, so they will be here at various times.
I ask the nurse if they can apply the face cream in the morning instead of water and she said yes, so I explain in the cream in order.
There is a large chart by side of the bed, its quite visual colours and graphs with all different meds on it.
Our son and daughter are here, it’s understandable that they are upset seeing their mom in this condition, especially as its mothers day.
Well from now every day Vicki is alive is a bonus, Doctors didn’t think Vicki would make it to Monday, I wonder how much does she understand about her condition, not sure if I should ask her, is it better that she does not know?
All too soon it’s time to go, we have not been apart since 1986, when I worked away from home, and again Vicki asks me to stay the nurse said 15 minutes. I stay till 8pm Vicki whispers that she loves me I tell her I love her very much she smiles as I kiss her goodnight then I’m gone.
Our son has gone back to Bristol, but will be back at the weekend, back home I have some messages on machine I sort them and return phone calls.
Write days events in my diary then it’s off to bed, I’m sleeping in Vicki’s bed it’s easier than unfolding my bed, plus I feel she is with me, can’t get used to the air mattress, at least it’s better than the old social U bend of a bed that Vicki had, she loved this Bakare bed she said it was very comfy.